Posts Tagged ‘Gag Real’

Puke Chronicles

When you work in the Children’s Department, you learn to live with puke. The mothers of puking children, however, you could live without…

On a particularly busy spring afternoon, a young boy deposited a copious amount of puke on the rug in the Children’s area. The mother of the child reported the incident to the librarian at the desk, who bravely donned the rubber gloves and began scooping the stuff into a bucket. As the librarian scooped, the very same mother of the puker approached her again, held out her library card and said, “Could you tell me my pin number?”


The sounds of retching fill the small, historic library. A moment later, the pale-faced child and her mother approach the desk. The mother unceremoniously slides a puke-covered book across the antique desktop toward the librarian.

Mother: “You really should put trashcans in the Children’s area. Don’t you know that kids puke a lot?”

Librarian: “Why do we need trashcans? Obviously the books work just fine.”

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Leaving a Legacy

This Story of the Week is one of our all-time classics. “Leaving a Legacy” was sent in from a very busy library in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

It has been a very busy day at the library, and the librarian takes a breath for the first time since lunch. With the breath comes a whiff of something very foul. Groaning inwardly, the librarian steps out from behind her desk to investigate—but she doesn’t get far.

Starting at the front door and passing through the self-check area, past the main desk, through the Children’s Section, up the stairs, around Adult Fiction and out the back door is a trail of human feces.

The librarian alerts the staff, who all try to keep from gagging while discussing what, exactly, should be done. A search is mounted for the defecator while the custodial crew (aka, the librarians) use the “Bodily Fluids Clean Up Kit” to dispose of the chunkier material. Later, one of the clerks realizes she’s stepped in a piece of the fecal matter and has been tracking it throughout the library. She is so upset that she has to go home to change clothes and shoes.

The perpetrator cannot be found, and so the security tapes must be viewed. Suspecting a child, the staff eyes the tapes carefully. Instead of a child, however, a middle aged woman–wearing white pants–walks through the front doors. She is apparently oblivious to the legacy she is leaving on the floor behind her. Nearby patrons, however, turn, point, hold their noses and hurry out of the library. Not one of them reports the woman to a staff member before she has left her trail throughout the library.

Moral of the story: If you see a person leaving a trail of poop, giggle, point, hold your nose and run away. Under no circumstances should you do something helpful, however…such as report the incident to staff.

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