Archive for August, 2009

I’m Your Librarian, Not Your #*$@%!

We chose two Stories of the Week this week because they were perfect examples of some of the ridiculous expectations patrons place on librarians. Sometimes, don’t you just want to scream, “I’m your librarian, not your $*@^#!”???

From “Alice” in Colorado Springs, CO:

We have a quirky printing machine that requires you to print two jobs to get change. We have a very clear sign posted where patrons deposit their money that says “exact change only.” Recently a patron put in a five dollar bill for a $1.90  print job. He then came storming up to the desk demanding that I refund his money. We keep a cup of spare change at the Information desk to give quick change back if the patron is insistent. I tried to pay the patron from the cup but was 10 cents short. I told the patron that I’m sorry he will have to wait or leave without his 10 cents. The patron proceeded to demand that I pay him out of my pocket! We eventually got his 10 cents, but I could not believe he would ask me to pull money out of my pocket to cover the fact that he can’t read the “exact change only” sign. To top it off, I was wearing a skirt and didn’t even have pocket to pull the magical dime from.”

From “Lucy” in Manitou Springs, CO:

“I work in a small, very acoustic library where  even the slightest whisper is heard from across the room. One day a man called while I was working the Reference Desk and asked me to tell him what books on his card were overdue. All of the books on his card were overdue, and all dealt with subject matter of a sexual nature–with fairly explicit titles. The man demanded that I tell him the individual titles when I tried to quietly tell him that all of the books he had checked out were overdue. I repeated the titles as quietly as I could, knowing that everyone around me heard every word. Then the man demanded to hear them again. When he asked me to list them all a third time, I became intensely uncomfortable and suspicious. I asked him to hold and had one of my male coworkers take over the call. Sure enough, when the man on the phone heard a male voice, he quickly said he didn’t need any more help and hung up.”

Submit your stories to us at:!

Crazy Quotes

At the end of the summer, the district hosted a large party for all of the children who participated in the summer program. It was a very hot day, but that didn’t stop the kids from lining up, barefoot, for the giant jumping house. The fake grass on the field was just too hot for a pair of 6 year old twin boys, and they were jumping around with cries of “Ow! Ow! Ow!” It was then that their older brother (9) said very calmly:

“If you just set your mind at peace and allow yourself to become one with the grass, your feet will become like stones and you won’t get burned.”


An older female patron had just received her brand new library card. She looked briefly around the room and then turned to the librarian at the desk and asked loudly:

“Is ‘Adult Materials’ where you keep the pornography?”

Submit your stories to us at:!

Puke Chronicles

When you work in the Children’s Department, you learn to live with puke. The mothers of puking children, however, you could live without…

On a particularly busy spring afternoon, a young boy deposited a copious amount of puke on the rug in the Children’s area. The mother of the child reported the incident to the librarian at the desk, who bravely donned the rubber gloves and began scooping the stuff into a bucket. As the librarian scooped, the very same mother of the puker approached her again, held out her library card and said, “Could you tell me my pin number?”


The sounds of retching fill the small, historic library. A moment later, the pale-faced child and her mother approach the desk. The mother unceremoniously slides a puke-covered book across the antique desktop toward the librarian.

Mother: “You really should put trashcans in the Children’s area. Don’t you know that kids puke a lot?”

Librarian: “Why do we need trashcans? Obviously the books work just fine.”

Submit your stories to us at:

What’s New With Merry?

Merry's Book Club has arrived!

The highly-anticipated debut of Merry's Book Club is finally here! Check out reviews of books by fellow librarians and book lovers, and even purchase the titles you love through Merry's Book Store!

NEW! Call In A Story Line

Now all US readers can call or text your stories into The Merry Librarian. Call us at
(216) 23M-ERRY today!

Very Merry Fan Pages

Visit our fan page on Facebook:

Follow us on Twitter, too!

Related Links
Merry’s Book Store